Today I did the one thing that they tell teachers never to do, which most teachers will do, but good teachers rarely do – I completely lost my patience.
Granted, I didn’t quite start the day out on the best foot as I found out at 6 am that I wouldn’t be getting a break today or tomorrow. No break = no prep period, which means the only time I have to prepare things for my afternoon is during lunch. Working with 5 year olds all day is exhausting. Working with 5 year olds all day without a break, on a “bad behavior day” is deadly.
Three of my kids were on blue today, which, if you have any knowledge of the typical behavioral stoplight, is one stop past the red light. In other words, it’s really bad. One kid got sent to the office with a note home and the other two got notes home as well. The rest of the class was dispersed between yellow and red, very few were on green and there was one super star.
Now when I was a young and inexperienced teacher, and by inexperienced I mean four months ago when I was even more inexperienced than I am now, I would have resorted to raising my voice, ordering the kids to sit cross-cross apple sauce and “show me how a good student acts,” with the idea in mind that such an assertive demand would be effective in persuading these kids to cooperate.
However, this morning when kids started to misbehave during an activity, I told myself that I would not raise my voice and instead calmly un-blindfolded the chosen student and said we would not be finishing the activity.
* One of the benefits of teaching second-language students who are five years old and lack the vocabulary of our older students is that often times Stephanie and I are able to talk directly out loud to each other, or to ourselves, without them understanding. So yes, I literally told myself not to raise my voice, out loud, in front of the students.
* I should also probably mention here that we were doing a guessing activity where they weren’t allowed to see the letter and that was why my student was blindfolded.
So we ended the morning, and by morning I mean first hour and half of school, on a rough note. We packed up class early and passed out stickers to those deserving students who had clips with the hopes that the afternoon would bring better luck to the others. Wrong.
I spent my lunchtime talking to a parent who explained to me that the reason J hits other students so much is because he is the baby at home and all of his relatives take care of him. Thus, and I quote, “If something happens to him and the teacher doesn’t do anything about it immediately he is going to hit the other student. That’s just how he reacts.”
Being satisfied that this was a sufficient explanation to J’s violent behavior in class, she turned and began to have a conversation with her sister, utterly ignoring Andrea and I. You have got to be kidding me. My frustration was taken up a notch.
I returned to class repeating over and over in my head that the kids would be calm, that I had a fun activity planned for them which I had prepped hours for and it would be a better half of the day. Wrong.
The kids wouldn’t share, couldn’t get along, and seemed utterly disinterested in the academic aspect of the activity that I had planned. I think one of the most frustrating things for a teacher is to spend SO MUCH TIME on an activity and have it fall through not because of poor planning, but because of poor behavior. In the end you’re losing all the time you put in and the kids have essentially gained no further knowledge of the subject. Frustrating.
At one point, as I was settling a conflict between two students, I literally heard the words “You guys are acting like you are five” begin to come out of my mouth. It was then that I realized I had hit the wall. There was no turning back. I had completely and utterly lost my patience.
All I could think about is how I wanted these little heathens out of my classroom. Their little quirks were no longer cute but extremely irritating and I could only glare at the students who continuously pushed my buttons. I was about to chastise two kids for acting like they were five year olds. They are five year olds. I needed to end this and fast.
Luckily it was time to go and so I quickly rounded up the students. One of my students told me that I looked sad and I replied to everyone “I am sad. I’m sad that all day people were not listening to Miss Norah and Miss Stephanie and that so many people are on yellow and red today.”
* We often talk in the third person during class. In the beginning it was an easier way for them to understand what we were saying although now I fear it has just become something we do out of habit.
I gave everyone a behavioral pep talk, filled out some disciplinary notes, rewarded those with extraordinarily good behavior, and sent the circus animals off to their homes with our daily good-bye high five.
And as I wrap up this blog post I cant help but look at the clock and think to myself, “It’s still Monday.”
Oh, to be a teacher.
