Grief is a powerful thing. It seeps in when you least expect it and can take over your entire body, mind and soul. It can make you feel isolated yet stifled, empty yet overcome with emotion, and at times completely and utterly lost.
Yesterday I found out that my grandmother passed away. I am over 2000 miles away from home, sitting in an apartment in Cofradia and because the only form of communication I have with the outside world is a crappy internet connection, I had to hear this bad news through skype. I have never felt so alone in my entire life.
I am lucky to have met such great people here who were able to whisk me away from my computer screen and actually let me cry in their arms (thank you again Nate and Samira). Yet, realizing I didn’t get the chance to say goodbye, I wont be there for her funeral and am still so far from the comforts of family is a hard pill to swallow.
Two weeks. Two weeks until I go home that’s it…Perfect timing right?
When I woke up this morning it took everything in my body to roll myself out of bed and make the 15-min walk to school. I couldn’t stop thinking about my grandmother and I couldn’t stop crying. School started out a little rough as any moment I got to myself only made me think about how I wished I were home with my family.
But the great thing about working with 5-yr olds is their uncanny ability to cheer you up in the most unexpected situations. I cant tell you how many times I have been so pissed off at my kids for misbehaving all morning only to return from lunch and be literally attacked by 25 children screaming my name and hugging me (to the ground at times). How could you stay mad at a group of children that are that loving?
So here I am, utterly depressed, thinking about my grandmother and along comes two of my students. One gives me the biggest hug I’ve ever received from such a tiny little body and the other hands me a picture she has drawn. The picture is of a sun and a rainbow and at the top is my name. Perhaps it is my inner Austin-hippy coming out, but I felt like it was a sign. Everything is going to be alright.
Just like the sunshine and rainbows that come after every good rain, when you close off the gate to your tears and let the grief pass only then arises hope.
Its amazing that I found peace from two 5-yr olds who will never truly realize the impact that moment had on me. They were my saviors. I find that it is my students that get me through a lot of my struggles here and for that I will always be thankful. I can only hope that I can somehow repay them by providing them with an education and giving them their own hope for a better future.
